by Maggie Hamilton     Twenty-first century life is exhilarating and challenging. So too is bringing up boys, as they too can be vulnerable. Now our boys are targeted by marketers within months of birth, and their days filled with branded junk and related DVDs.

Instead of fresh air, spontaneous play, and an endless curiosity about the world around them, they’re experiencing life through the TV or computer screen. This narrowing of essential life experiences, makes it hard for boys to value their individuality, to have a rich inner life, an active imagination, a genuine sense of self.

Neuroscientist Susan Greenfield warns that contemporary lifestyles and computers may be keeping kids childlike - in need of constant reassurance, instant gratification, and assuming the world revolves around them. This immaturity makes them doubly vulnerable to multi-million dollar campaigns that target them daily, and which dictate how a boy should look and behave if he wants to be cool.

Sadly my research indicates that our boys are increasingly concerned about body image and presentation. It’s depressing to hear boys aged ten and under pre-occupied with their hair and clothing, with how they look and come across, and with worries about getting a girlfriend, just so they won’t be seen as a loser. Teen boys talk of not wanting to take off their shirts, or to strip down to their shorts, because they don’t have the ‘right’ body. What kind of world dictates that wearing the same tee-shirt twice in a week, or pants from K-Mart, risks social suicide?

Against this backdrop are additional challenges. Boys are wonderfully, sometimes challengingly physical. But now with the contained lives they lead, they have few options other than to turn to computer games for excitement and adventure. Often violent, these video games are addictive, and in no time many boys find these virtual worlds more appealing than the real world. It’s curious that while we’re fearful of strangers, we allow boys almost unlimited access to cyberspace, where they can bully, gamble, take on other identities, view live sex acts, and the worst kinds of violence imaginable. 

The new technologies have many good things to offer boys as well, as does twenty-first century life. Be open and approachable so your son is never afraid to ask difficult questions. It’s important you’re balanced in your attitudes about teen and tween life.

What parents can do

1. Stay well informed about new technologies.  If you don't know what your kids can access on the phone or computer, then you don't know where the thin ice is and can't give them clear guidelines.

2. If you allow your son to play video games, be aware of the content.  Most games are extremely violent. Ensure you know what you're allowing, and have regular talks about the difference between these games and real life.

3. Filtering services are important for children and young teens, but ultimately kids have to be self-regulating.   There are so many ways they can access inappropriate material, they need to know the appropriate response wherever they are, so they need you to help them with this.

4. Have ongoing discussions about boundaries, appropriate material and online behavior.  A one-off discussion on a topic cannot possibly cover all the scenarios your boy is likely to meet, so create the opportunity to talk about important topics as you go along http://isafe.org and www.wiredsafety.org are excellent parental resources.

5. Be creative about making real life more enticing than virtual life.  Get outside with your boys - bush walks, the occasional night camping. When you have family and neighborhood gatherings give the boys important jobs to do, so they don't end up feeling awkward and hanging around.

6. Encourage your son to value who he is beyond looks and possessions.  Remember he'll take his cues from what you value. If shopping is the the major family recreation time, then it's likely to be his also.
Foster a home culture that encourages imaginative play,  lively discussions and debate - time spent around the kitchen table without the TV on is invaluable.

About the author:

Maggie Hamilton is a writer, teacher and publisher.  She is a keen observer of social trends, giving regular talks, lectures and workshops throughout Australia and New Zealand.  Maggie Hamilton's books include: 'What's Happening To Our Girls?', based on two years research into the twenty-first century lives of girls, and now the companion book 'What's Happening to Our Boys?', which puts the lives of our boys under the microscope, uncovering the issues they struggle with, and how they can be supported. Link: www.maggiehamilton.org

 'What's Happening to Our Boys?':

 To read more about this book, or to order, click here.

 'What's Happening to Our Girls?':

 To read more about this book, or to order, click here.

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