by Dr. Peter West     Should boys be allowed to play with toy guns? When boys play with toy guns, parents understandably can become very anxious.  Most parents’ reaction is to stop gun play at once. Parents’ websites contain much anxious discussion, especially from mothers, who worry seeing their child playing with a gun.

Not having a toy gun provides the opportunity for many boys to invent one. Parents say their sons bite into a sandwich, which becomes an imaginary gun: “Bang, bang, you’re dead”.

No mother, or father, wants their son to become a gun-wielding monster who destroys other people’s lives.

There is a huge range of difference among boys across socio-economic status, race, and language. Yet it appears that boys all over the world often play with guns, and - later in their lives - with computer games in which they aim at being the best and eliminating the rest.

But these games may be useful to get boys learning, a UK report on the early years of learning suggests. It says that boys often watch TV and games and act out what they see the males doing. We don’t have to look hard to find examples of men on TV or in movies with a weapon in their hands.

The report says “Adults can find this type of play particularly challenging and have a natural instinct to stop it”. The report is called Confident, Capable and Creative: Supporting Boys’ Achievements, and comes from the UK Department for Children, Schools and Families.

The UK Children’s Minister, Beverley Hughes, called it “a common sense approach to the fact that many children, and perhaps particularly many boys, like boisterous, physical activity”. Her masterful wording encompasses many debates and will create many more.

The report says every child is entitled to challenging and enjoyable learning: this must include boys. It says many children do chose gender-specific activities, and each has a personal learning journey. We must trust the richness of children’s ideas, the report says; not impose our own.

Case studies in the report emphasise exploration, experimentation and “mucking about with things”. Some might see this as the kind of play that males typically do- “messing about in boats” as described by Kenneth Grahame in Wind in the Willows.

"There is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats. In or out of 'em, it doesn't matter. Nothing seems really to matter, that's the charm of it. Whether you get away, or whether you don't; whether you arrive at your destination or whether you reach somewhere else, or whether you never get anywhere at all, you're always busy, and you never do anything in particular; and when you've done it there's always something else to do, and you can do it if you like, but you'd much better not." Spoken by Ratty to Mole.

Many men do enjoy mucking about with cars, computers and boats. Fathers play with kids (especially sons) and it’s typically in a more challenging and competitive way. They nurture (as mothers do) but in characteristically different styles.

Boys’ natural exuberance and energy may often be misinterpreted. Thus boys can be labelled as difficult and their behaviour called “inappropriate”. Boys are not seen as positive learners and they become fed up with learning as such. If their interests and learning preferences are not respected, they lose interest in formal learning and switch off. In contrast, a project which followed boys’ interests  found sudden, dramatic improvements in their speaking and listening skills AND behaviour.

So, should parents be concerned about boys playing with guns? 

Kids want to play actively, boys especially. 

• Channel the restless activity that many boys show.
• Play with them. Most dads play with boys in active ways. They play games more than most mums do.
• Encourage kids to act out stories they hear. These would include cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, anything they hear about.

Playing 'guns' need not be seen as bad. It's what most boys do. It doesn't really mean the boy will become violent, thank goodness!

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About the Author:

Dr. Peter West recently retired from the University of Western Sydney. His work on boys' education and men's health has received wide attention. Many of his writings can be found on his website Boys Learning. He now runs a consultancy, Educational Solutions, giving workshops on boys' education.  Link: BoysLearning.com.au

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