by C.J. Simister, Future-Smart    In this, the second of three short articles, education expert C. J. Simister describes a selection of fun, family-friendly ways in which parents can help their children to develop a positive and healthy attitude to risk-taking.  While success at school is obviously very helpful, she argues that a total reliance on this may mean we are missing part of the picture. 

There are other hidden ingredients – things she calls ‘future-smart™’ skills - that can make a huge difference to a child’s success and happiness as he or she grows up and faces an exciting but ever more challenging future.

Risk Taking

It’s so easy to slip into thinking that our job is to protect our children from every possible danger.  After all, there sometimes seem to be so many potential threats out there – it’s not surprising that the temptation is to wrap up our loved ones in cotton wool in order to keep them safe from harm.

And yet, in our heart of hearts, most of us realise this probably isn’t the best way forward.  The fact is, by cosseting our children, we make them more vulnerable.  If children don’t develop a healthy attitude to risk, then the danger is they’ll either end up going out of their way to avoid challenge entirely (and thereby failing ever to discover just what they’re capable of – as Anais Nin so eloquently put it, ‘Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage’) or being drawn indiscriminately to risk (because it’s just so much more exciting than anything they were ever allowed to do at home).

You probably heard that frightening statistic that came out a while back – that one in four children between the ages of eight and ten has never played outside unsupervised.  How is this possibly preparing them for the bold, exciting but very challenging world ahead?  We need to find ways of increasing the level of risk in our children’s lives – obviously gently and within reasonable limits – so that they learn to recognise the feelings and thought processes that are involved.  They need to be taught to weigh up a risk, envisage the best and worst possible outcomes, recognise that they may end up getting it wrong/looking stupid/feeling scared – and then decide for themselves if the potential gains make it a risk worth taking.

When pushed to the edge of what we can do, we learn much more and much more quickly.  It’s just the same for our kids.  Our aim has to be to raise strong, independent, thinking people who know they can cope with anything that comes their way. 

Here are a few activities that may help to get you started:

1. In the Balance

Learning to weigh up the pros and cons when facing a decision lies at the heart of dealing intelligently with risk.   With younger children, bringing out a set of ‘decision scales’ when an interesting decision arises can be a really great way of helping them visualise the process. 

You’ll need a set of pan-balance scales, some building bricks and some sticky notes.  Next time your child is wondering whether to go for it and take a particular risk – whether it’s inviting someone new round for tea, trying out for a team or learning to swim in the deep end - take a few moments together to think of the best things that could happen if it goes well. 

Write each idea on a sticky note, attach it to a brick and place it on one side of the scales.  Then repeat for the bad points – what are the worst possible outcomes?  Which side is heavier?  On balance, is the risk worth taking?

Note that you could develop this activity by using different sized bricks.  As each point is raised, ask your child whether they think it’s more or less important - and select a larger or smaller brick accordingly.  This is great for showing that it’s not always the number of pros and cons that matters, but their relative importance.

2. Tug of War

An alternative for older children is to help them see decision making as a tug of war process.  When thinking about whether to take a risk, encourage your child to write all their thoughts on individual sticky notes.  They might like to ask friends and different members of the family for ideas to include as well.  The resulting jumble of pros and cons can then be stuck on a tug of war line, from ‘go for it’ at one end to ‘no way José’ at the other! 

The important thing is to let your child feel they’re making the decision for themselves – you’re just there to facilitate the process.

3. Risk ‘o’meter

This idea was developed by Professor Guy Claxton and is a wonderfully visual way to encourage your child to assess risk.  Create your own family ‘riskometer’ – it might look something like a height chart, with a scale that you and your child could decide on together, for example from ‘little baby risk’ to ‘massive scary risk’. 

Whenever a risk arises that your child feels (and you agree) is right to take, get them to decide beforehand where on the scale it should go.  Risks can be noted on a piece of paper and possibly even illustrated, then stuck on the scale as a reminder of your child’s bravery (regardless of course of whether or not the risk pays off). 

4. Taking risks with food

Food offers a really good chance to help your child learn about taking risks within a very safe context.  Heston Blumenthal – a UK-based TV chef - is my hero.  Why not tell your kids about his restaurant, ‘The Fat Duck’, voted in 2005 as ‘the best restaurant in the world’?  Heston is the ultimate risk taker when it comes to food. 

Breaking through traditional conventions, he experiments – very precisely and scientifically – to seek highly innovative new taste combinations that others wouldn’t even dream of trying.  The result: cauliflower risotto with chocolate jelly, scrambled egg and bacon ice cream, salmon poached in liquorice gel, mango and Douglas Fir puree and, possibly his most famous dish, snail porridge!

Encourage your child to be a culinary risk-taker next time you’re cooking together.  This could either be by following a recipe, but then adapting it slightly – varying the quantities or substituting a different ingredient to see what happens - or, if you’re feeling really brave, by allowing them to create their own entirely new ‘Blumenthal’ dish.  There are only two rules:

(1) they have to record their recipe – ingredients and instructions – as they go along (just in case they create something truly magnificent, you can tell them); and

(2) they – and you – must not only try the final product but also critically assess it. 
This means both of you acting as food critics and talking about what’s good and bad about the taste that has been created – which could, of course, be a lot of fun!

Here are a few general tips that are worth remembering:

1.  Change the way you praise your children

Instead of praising your kids for being clever and getting things right, praise them for the personal qualities they showed along the way.  For instance, praise their level of effort and persistence, the originality of their ideas, the way that they thought through their options before making a decision or when they ask really interesting or unusual questions.  

There’s a fascinating reason for this.  Research has shown that it can actually be damaging to focus on ‘intelligence praise’.  Particularly for girls, the suggestion that what we value most is a successful outcome may lead them to choose cautious, risk-averse behaviour in order to be sure of keeping that ‘clever’ label.  Far better to give credit for the brave risk that unfortunately fails than for the safe option that led to success.

2.  Model risk taking

I’m sorry to say it, but the ultimate best of all best ways to help teach your child about risk is by example! Your child needs to see you trying out new things, overcoming your fears and then not worrying too much if it all goes pear-shaped.  Just think how much more powerful a strategy the ‘Risk ‘o’ meter’ would be if everyone in the family was willing to talk about and add their own risks to the display…  

And don’t be afraid to admit when things go wrong – it’s great for your kids to see that this happens to adults too. 

3.  Stump them!

Plan for events and situations that are just that little bit beyond what your children normally and comfortably do.  The idea is to help them recognise how it feels to be a little daunted and uncertain – to learn that this is absolutely natural for all of us.  Support your children through these experiences. Encourage them, be with them, believe in them massively and let this show, but stand back at the end and they’ll feel fantastic when they succeed in overcoming their fears. 

And when they don’t, help them learn that it’s not the end of the world.  The very nature of risk means the outcome is unexpected – sometimes better, sometimes worse than hoped.  What matters is that they had a go and they’re the stronger for it.

Other articles in this series:

Intro: Are Your Kids Ready to Face the Modern World?

Part 1: Helping Your Child to Think Independently

Part 3: Helping Your Child to Think Creatively

About the author

C.J. Simister is the Director of the innovative ‘Cognitive Development Programme’ at Northwood College, UK, Jane’s driving passion is to help children of all ages become more independent, more critical and more creative in their thinking.

The author of two books, ‘How to teach thinking and learning skills: A practical programme for the whole school’ (SAGE: 2007) and ‘The Bright Stuff: Playful ways to nurture your child’s extraordinary mind’ (Pearson: 2009), Jane works with schools and parents in the UK and internationally, offering practical support and advice in raising children who are active, resourceful thinkers, equipped with the skills and intellectual qualities necessary to allow them to make the most of their potential and to face and flourish in an exciting, but increasingly competitive world.

This series of articles remains under copyright of C.J. Simister. Link: Future-Smart

About the book

Click here to read more or to order.

Praise for ‘The Bright Stuff’:

“A really excellent resource for parents looking for imaginative ways to illuminate young minds. I will be using it with my own children” - Dr Stephen Law, author and Editor of the journal of the Royal Institute of Philosophy

“If my parents had had this goldmine of a book, I’d be a brighter and happier person. Buy it, read it and sprinkle your child’s life with its wisdom” - Professor Guy Claxton, author and Co-Director of the Centre of Real-World Learning, University of Winchester

“This is a super book - no sweeping generalisations, easy assumptions or join-the-dot prescriptions, just damn good advice and ideas” - Dr Barry Hymer, author and educationalist

“This is a practical handbook for parents about encouraging their children to be original and daring - when it makes sense. Many of those I most admire have few formal qualifications, but do exhibit all the qualities that are the focus of C. J. Simister’s book. As a parent and a risk-taker, I applaud her work” - Luke Johnson, entrepreneur and Financial Times columnist, Chairman of Channel 4 & the RSA

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