by Angie Wilcock, High Hopes     Whether our children are moving from pre-school to 'big school', primary to secondary, or secondary to tertiary or the work place, parents ALWAYS have a role to play - significantly different in each phase, but a role nonetheless.

In the younger years, we want to be involved in as many avenues of our children's' education as possible - reading groups, canteen, P&C or P&F committees, fund-raising activities, excursion assistants, teacher's aides - the roles are varied and we support with as much time and energy as our daily lives allow. We are ENCOURAGED to support!

The move from primary to high school takes on a different perspective - a more 'hands off' approach. Yes, there are still opportunities to be involved within the school itself, such as parent committees, canteen assistants, school councils or advisory boards etc, but many parents suddenly find themselves feeling more like 'onlookers' than 'participants' in their child's education.

When speaking with large groups of parents, I often ask them the question: "Why is it that once our kids reach high school, we lose our confidence and much of our involvement?" The responses are nearly always the same:  "Because our kids tell us they don't want us around"; "Because we want our kids to  grow up and think for themselves" and "Because we feel comfortable in primary, but high school is SO different now!"

Regardless of what your children tell you, they DO need you - albeit differently. Parents clearly need a more subtle approach, but research is quite clear on this - parental involvement with their child's education long-term is critical to achievement and a positive outlook on life-long learning.

So, what can parents DO in these critical transition phases? We need to be 'clever'; we need to be intuitive; we need to be innovative; we need to be PARENTS! Regardless of our own personal high school or tertiary experiences, we still have experiences our children do not have as yet - broad life experience!

The days of our children recounting every incident that has happened in their daily lives at pre-school or primary school may well be over - and often replaced by a monosyllabic, adolescent grunt - but we need to find other ways to tap in.  Don't give your adolescent the chance to shut you out - ask the right question, in the right way, at the right time and you may be pleasantly surprised by the response. You may be surprised by how much information will spill out of your teenager if you are prepared to 'share' -  teamwork is vital to effective communication with adolescents, particularly as they experience the uncertainties of transition.

Avoid comments borne out of frustration such as:

• "Don't ask me where it is - probably the last place you left it!"
• "Why do you leave everything to the last minute?"
• "Ask your teacher - that's what she's paid for!"
• "You need to be more organised!"

True, these are very common and, for the most part, very understandable frustrations but - are they helpful? NO! Can we offer an alternative? Definitely - YES!

When our children move from one phase of education to another, they experience a sense of loss - a loss of continuity and a loss of 'connectedness' with their surroundings. They experience new social networks, new educational expectations, different teachers and teaching methods, increased responsibilities - these are not necessarily negatives, but they are changes, and adjustments need to be made. We can make a powerful and positive impact on our children's coping skills by offering support rather than frustration!

So, when we ask "Why do you leave everything to the last minute", exactly WHAT are you expecting them to say?  More than likely you will receive the famous adolescent eye-roll, the shrug, or the walk-off - or all three! Wouldn't it be better to say something like "Let's have a look at how we can organise a system of getting started on those assignments so that you don't stress so much" or maybe "This how I manage my tasks at work - let's see if this might help". You may STILL experience resistance, but they are at least more likely to listen. You have shown your adolescent that you would like to be on their 'team'- not someone who they feel is playing against them!

The transition phase from high school to tertiary or the workplace is just as confronting as any other phase - and parents can STILL help here too! Again, life experience rather than academic experience counts for so much when offering support.

If your son or daughter is about to face the work front, remember how you handled your first interview - think about the skills required to present yourself in the best possible light; how important it is to be on time; what questions you might like to take to the interview; what research you might suggest be done on the prospective company etc. Support them with gathering what they need for an impressive CV. 

Similarly, if your son or daughter is entering university or TAFE, attend the orientation days, make sure they understand the best way to organise a timetable - don't assume they know everything!  Even if you have never attended university or TAFE, your life and work experiences of prioritising tasks, breaking down a 'big job' into smaller units of time and effort and setting targets and goals are part of the university and tertiary education world - but they are also part of yours!

Bottom line is: never underestimate your worth as a parent! Regardless of your personal achievements, you have reached parenthood and have information, knowledge, advice and support to share with your kids - no matter their age!

About the author: 

She has presented at state conferences and worked directly with parents and students across Australia over the past four years, and in 2010 joined the Generation Next team - along with experts in their field such as Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, Paul Dillon and Dr Andrew Fuller - presenting to parents nationally on issues of adolescent mental health and well-being. She is also an online adviser on the US website AllExperts, and has had several articles on transition, learning styles and time management published in state and national education journals as well as on educational websites.  Link: High Hopes

Attention Parents of Children Entering Years 6-8

Angie Wilcock has just published this invaluable assignment and research guide for students in Yeas 6-8.  This clear and concise Skills Handbook is aimed at helping students to plan, research and complete their school assignments and projects.

Click here to purchase this item

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