by Wendy Little     Having been to a private school for my secondary education, I always assumed my children would do the same, but when the time arrived and I hadn’t even made my first million, let alone, billion as I had daydreamed in my youth, the private school system was no longer going to be an option for my children.

Our local high school had developed a bad reputation over the last few years, and both my daughter and in turn my son turned their respective noses up at it, so I started searching for an alternative.

For my daughter it was easy, most of her friends were going to a Catholic girls school, affordable and close and they didn’t care whether she’d been baptised or not. She liked the look of it when she went to the open day, so she was duly enrolled and started last year. This year it was time to sort out where our son would go next year but it wasn’t so straightforward. He refused to go to the local high school outright and because many of his friends were going to private schools he wanted to sit scholarships for three of those schools in the hope he would dazzle them and get in.

These scholarship tests occur late Feb, early March and for each one there would be an ‘administration’ fee just to sit the test of at least $100. Then you had to prepare a CV for your child that was about 20 pages long, color copied, bound and outlined every sporting team, theatrical performance and instrument that he had been involved in, in his eleven years. I even added a DVD to make it stand out complete with a cover I designed and printed.

All this was done in the spare moments I could gain on our computer when not being used for twitter or msn by the kids. Then you are advised to register for ‘practice tests’ online, which you have to fork out more dough for and are with different websites for each school, so more money disappears as you can’t use the same tests for all schools.

The stress of preparation and study was intense, then there’s the actual exam itself all on Saturday mornings and between 3-4 hours long. I spent February, March and April running around like a banshee doing five of these applications, three of which he had to sit tests for and despite our hard work he did not even get one interview.

Suddenly it was May and he hadn’t been accepted anywhere. The panic set in “I’m a teapot, I’m a teapot” I screamed, (as Tim in The Goodies would say in an emergency). I was faced with Plan B, force him to consider and agree to applying to the local Catholic boys schools and the next closest high school, which we are not in the zone for, but had a good reputation and some street cred because it was used as the location for a popular comedy series my son liked.

Yet more ‘administration’ fees were paid in the ninth hour to a couple of Catholic boys schools where there are more applications this year due to the GFC.  I have been advised to take on the role of pushy mother by sending a fortnightly email to the schools from now til next January to try and get him in. 

I’m at the point where I don’t care where he goes anymore, I just want him to go somewhere so I don’t wake up at 4am in a cold sweat!
 

Wendy’s Tips

• If by Grade 6 your child hasn’t reached AMEB grade 7 in piano, is not a member of MENSA, hasn’t been school captain, won every regional sporting meet or had a regular role on ‘Neighbors’ forget applying for a scholarship.
• Use the money you save by NOT paying administration fees for tests and exams to top up the KRudd bonus and buy an LCD for your bedroom.
• If you are not in the zone for the public school you like consider renting a bed-sit there for 6 months, it’s cheaper than 6 years at a private school!
• If you are considering a strict Catholic school, a do-it-yourself baptism in the shower doesn’t count and don’t mention the Da Vinci Code in the interview.

 

About the author:  Wendy Little has performed and written shows for 13 Melbourne International Comedy Festivals, 6 Melbourne Fringe Festivals and the Adelaide and Edinburgh Fringe Festivals. She was the founding member of musical comedy trio The Sheryls who dazzled audiences in festivals round the world from 1998-2003.  Shows include “Limited Sedition” (2006), “Helmet Hair” (2007), “Parental as Anything” (2007) and “The Middle Ages (2009).  Wendy has been seen on the telly: The Great Debate (TEN), Upfront 8 (ABC), and much more!  See her website: www.wendylittle.com

 

Put the FUN back in FUNdraising with CRUMMy MUMMieS

 

Make your next fundraising event a night to remember with two of Melbourne’s favourite stand-up comedians Wendy Little and Carolyn Chillura.   Providing a hiliarious insight into parenthood and the journey getting there and beyond - Crummy Mummies are sure to provide a fun factor at your next trivia night or wine & cheese night. (email caro@carolynchillura.com or wendy@wendylittle.com)

 

 

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