by Sarah Napthali     With children at school the deadlines in our lives multiply: school-by-nine, pick-up-by-three, homework-done-by-seven, bed-time by a reasonable hour and we must arrive on time for sporting commitments and a host of after-school activities.

We might have looked forward to several additional hours in our week with children away at school, only to be amazed at how quickly they were swallowed up by new responsibilities. We still seem to careen through our day, never accomplishing all our goals.

Buddhist principles are highly relevant for managing our daily stress levels. Here are the three approaches that I find most helpful.

Be with the stress

So the first tip is to simply accepting that for now it is there. You might even pause and mindfully say, ‘I feel stress now’. No rejecting, suppressing, denying, ignoring, distracting. Most importantly, be with the stress compassionately, with some compassion for yourself, rather than with the usual harsh judgements that dictate to you that you shouldn’t feel the way you do. We all need to go easier on ourselves when we feel stress.

Cultivate not only compassion towards the stress but curiosity. What is going on here? How does stress feel in your body? What is this state of mind actually like? How long does it last? Does it change in intensity? And the answer to that is a resounding YES. For no mind-state is permanent, no matter how intense it feels at the time.  Stress is only transitory mind phenomenon and not any great truth.

Ask, WHAT AM I ADDING?

Let’s take the example of the daily stressful morning routine of preparing children for school, kindy or childcare and getting them out the door – an issue rather close to my own heart.

Now all we are actually doing is a series of tasks: making lunches, finding clothes, getting teeth cleaned with children who tend not to co-operate. It is potentially all quite simple. But we add stuff .

For example: 

• My children are purposely trying to provoke me.
• If we’re late once it will happen every day.
• This rushing and battling happens every single day!
• My children don’t even care if they are late. I am the only responsible person here.

The list could go on and on but consider how much stuff we add to quite simple procedures in our days. Everything we go through in life is made up of a pure experience plus all the things we tell ourselves about the experience. We need to challenge ourselves to perceive the pure experience, free from biases, drama, clinging and our need for a positive self-image.

Buddhist teachings suggest that two ‘arrows’ hit us every time something happens to us. The first is the event itself, the second is how we react to it. With our tendency to think too much—to analyse, de-construct, re-construct and ruminate—we deny ourselves the simplicity of pure experiences. Why not live more of our lives with an openness to the present moment, instead of being mired in our heads, entangled in thoughts that only ‘add’ to what actually happens?

Consciously relax

This tip is so effective that it is actually quite a mainstream way to deal with stress—something your GP might suggest.

To bring my awareness back to my body and consciously release any tension, has for me been a daily practice for years. I am often surprised, when I pay attention, at how just how much tension has built up in my muscles, usually the shoulders.

Consciously pausing to release tension is an effective way to stop any long-term build-up of tension by simply relaxing our muscles. We can do this when we stop at traffic lights, stand in queues or wait for our computer to start—all times when our level of tension might have risen even further.

Our habitual way of living is to be miles away from our bodies, and the busier we are the less we tend to stay in touch with how are bodies feel in the moment. The great advantage in returning our awareness to the body in times of stress, is that the body is always here in the present moment, whereas the mind tends to be ricocheting around in time between various points in the past and future. Switching our focus to the body and its sensations, we can halt a flow of unhelpful thoughts and worries. Our stories and dramas instantly drop away with this shift.

About the author

Sarah Napthali is a mother of two young boys who tries to apply Buddhist teachings in her daily life.  She is also the author of Buddhism for Mothers, Buddhism for Mothers with LingeringQuestions, and Buddhism for Mothers of Schoolchildren.  Since the children started school, Sarah is very pleased to report that she manages to meditate (almost) daily.

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