by David Keefe, Coolmind     The first line of Rudyard Kipling’s poem ‘If’, starts with a helpful message; ‘if you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you” you’re off to a great start.  I must come clean … I don’t have teenagers at home, but I have enough of them in my life to keep me honest to that message. 

In connecting with anyone, particularly edgy teens, ‘keeping your own head’ is a useful place to start.
In Coolmind we talk of dropping your resistance to things causing you stress in life.  It applies the same for our loved ones behaviour traits too. If someone in your presence is stressed and emotional your own sense of calm and equilibrium can be thrown out, and then neither of you can be any help to each other.

As a co-player in any domestic situation, it is important that you are the one being the example of calm and wellbeing.  No teenager, or anyone for that matter, wants to hear and absorb any message or instruction they are not yet ready to hear. If they are stressed or flighty and you are becoming stressed too, well you just can’t hear each other or get across your points.

Likewise, if someone is noticeably calm, happy and even keeled, the flighty person is likely to gravitate more towards their mood; Unless the jump in moods is too great of course, like how infuriating it is when you are really angry about something and a person in the exchange is grinning and full of glee … it can make you more furious by the second.

So the first suggestion is to bring a healthy, supportive and well balanced ‘you’ to the relationship. If you are consistent with that intention then it is very likely that kids will gravitate more to your mood than stay in a stressed or flighty headspace. Being around fluctuating teenage moods is also a great practise ground for our own ability to stay cool, so we’re in this game of self-development too.

Coolmind is all about finding a way for stressed young people to live a calmer life. In stressful situations or even for a youngster who is nervous and tends to worry a lot, developing the habit of relaxing the mind and finding relief will make the body a much happier place to live in.

Here are a couple of tips from the book:

Get in a comfortable position, close your eyes and just listen to the breathing rate as it is. Then when you are ready, just breathe slowly in through the nose and count your out breaths: 1 … 2 … 3 … 4, then back to 1.
You count to 4 and return to 1 so you don’t get lost in a game to see how high you can count —that’s just another way to get busy!

Alternatively you can try this.  Lie on the ground with your knees up and feet on the floor (or lie flat if you can stay alert!). Place your hands on the sides of your rib cage in line with the bottom rib and encourage your breath to wander down to where your hands are. You should feel your ribs moving slightly sideways rather than up and down. Just let the belly go soft, let your thoughts go and focus on long slow breaths

There are also some physical components to reflect on too:

Keep a calm and warm family environment as best as possible. An edgy teenager can be easily thrown by a tense environment.

It is also important to make sure that he or she is in physical balance.  An imbalanced body can significantly affect the mood and thinking mechanisms. Encourage their exercise as that is a great physical release.
Do they have bodily pain or poor posture? If so, maybe a chiropractic treatment or massage to ensure the spinal column is in alignment.

How is their nutrition? Processed foods and foods with high sugar and acid counts also can spin their moods around.

Are they drinking enough water? Water goes first to the stomach, then the organs, then the brain so plenty of water is needed to keep the brain properly hydrated.

As much as we love our kids and want to help them through things, it’s often all we can do to offer support, be an example of calm and light heartedness, then just stand back and watch what happens! 

About the author:

David Keefe operates his own health consultancy business and has qualifications in athletics coaching, fitness, massage therapy, reiki, qi gong and journalism. As part of his fitness work, he is the strength and fitness conditioner of a national-title-winning leading Sydney school’s first rowing team and it was through his work with these girls that he first developed the techniques for mental calm, clarity and relaxation outlined in Coolmind. He is now looking to roll out a ‘Coolmind’ program in NSW schools.

About the book:

Coolmind is all about the art of relaxing, the art of becoming consciously cool now, and to rise above stress. And the good news is it's not hard! In as little as three minutes a day, author David Keefe will show your teen how to gain mental calm and clarity in any situation by selecting from the techniques outlined in 'Coolmind'.

Publisher link: Click here to find out more.  Click here to find out more about this and other YourKidsEd recommended books for teens!

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