by C.J. Simister, Future-Smart     Last month on YourKidsEd, education expert C. J. Simister described some of the magic ingredients that can make all the difference to a child’s future – things like persistence, initiative, resilience, an innovative spirit and the ability to sort sense from nonsense .

In this, the first of three short articles, she explores one of these ‘future-smartTM’ skills, offering practical advice for parents who, she suggests, can play an exciting part in helping their children to be ready to flourish and shine in an exciting but increasingly unpredictable and competitive world. 

Independent Thinking

Getting kids to open up and talk more deeply about things is something lots of parents find a challenge.  And yet if you can establish the sort of home environment where your children feel encouraged to express, discuss and think carefully about their own and other people’s ideas and opinions, you’re laying a fabulous foundation for later life.  As John F Kennedy pointed out, “Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.”

And let’s face it, it’s not surprising that our children are a little reluctant to get into discussions when the opening gambit is nearly always, ‘So how was school today?’  Lots of kids have a sneaking suspicion that we’re not asking what happened at school, but how well did you do.  Checking up on them basically!

If you want your child to communicate more - and to develop the independent thinking and reasoning that go along with this, not to mention a wider interest in the world around them – then you’ve got to make it fun for them.

One great idea is to schedule a weekly Tea-Time Talk.  Have a special notice board and get everyone involved.  Keep a stash of post-it notes (if you’re really organised, have a different colour for each member of the family) and make it a family tradition that whenever anyone thinks of an interesting question they’d like to chat about, they scribble it down and stick it to the board.  You can act as scribe for younger children of course.  That way, when your tea-time talk comes around, you’ll have plenty of subjects to chat about.

Consider varying the theme every now and then, to keep everyone interested:

1.  I wonder….

Sometimes you could challenge everyone to begin their questions with the words ‘I wonder…’  This is a fantastic way of enticing your children to ask some really great questions – and the fact that you’re joining in too means your kids quickly learn a really important lesson: that asking questions is not something they’re meant to grow out of.  Curiosity signals an active, open, problem-solving spirit.  Not only does it lie at the heart of successful learning and research, but it’s also the key to innovation and progress.   Bernard Baruch put it beautifully: “Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.”

When I’ve done this activity with children, I’ve been stunned by the ideas they come up with.  They wonder why cats have whiskers, what it would be like if we lived to 200, why we have wars, whether animals should have the same rights as people; what would happen if no one ever told the truth…  We’ve sometimes created ‘wonder walks’ with a whole string of their questions creating a trail around the school!

2.  Magic Powder

Another idea to use every now and then is to get everyone to come up with one person they might each like to invite to tea and post their names on the notice board.  It might, for instance, be a current celebrity or someone in the news; it could be a character from a book or film or a particular historical figure.  For fun, you could even set an extra place at the table for your mystery celebrity.

Next, pretend you have some magic truth powder that your children are going to sprinkle over the family’s chosen visitors.  It will grant them the power to ask each person any three questions they wish – and the response will be the whole truth and nothing but the truth!  What will they ask?  What might their visitors say?  It would be the scoop of the century!  This one always provokes a really great debate, as narrowing down the final choice involves such a lot of reasoning and flexibility of mind.

3.  In the news

Give your notice board a topical theme every now and then, by encouraging everyone to cut out short articles and headlines that are really eye-catching.  Some great newspapers exist for children now as well.

Younger children often love stories about animals, celebrities, outer-space and sport – so these are the sorts of things to go for initially.  As they get a little older, it’s extraordinary how many topical issues are of real potential fascination to them.  Global warming, animal rights, smoking bans in public places, freedom of speech, the threat of terrorism, human cloning, euthanasia, renewable energy sources… the list is endless.  

Next, remember the following top tips:

1. Don’t feel you have to have all the answers

Choosing fun, child-friendly topics like the ones described above is essential as this immediately places your children on a more equal footing.  Hold back from offering too many of your own fully formed opinions, as this can discourage children from developing their own ideas.  The easiest thing in the world is to put a child off by telling them what to think rather than gently supporting them in learning how to think for themselves.   Make it an exploration for both of you – not a lecture. 

2. Listen carefully and build on what your child says. 

Remember that newly forming opinions are unlikely to be perfect – they need to be nurtured, tested and adjusted.  Point out what’s interesting or original in what your child says.  Even if you feel their suggestions are naïve or incorrect, don’t make your child feel silly for saying them.  Gently probe their understanding and reasoning, with questions like, ‘So what would you say to someone who listened to all of that but still felt… ?” and “Do you think anyone else might have a different opinion?  What might they say?  Do you disagree with all or just some of their points?” 

3. Teach them to be flexible

Demonstrate as often as you can that changing one’s mind during a discussion is a sign of intelligence not weakness if it means you’ve been convinced by another position.  This will mean changing your own mind sometimes – or at least appearing to!

Children who grow up able to think and talk about whatever topic is thrown at them have a massive advantage.  They come across as having a natural sense that they are worthy of inclusion in adult conversation, something that tends to be self-fulfilling.  They are also more likely to volunteer for new opportunities, develop new skills and make new contacts.  Let’s face it, we live in a world where we often judge a person’s intelligence by their ability to talk clearly and confidently.  Give your child this skill and you’re helping pave their way for a successful future.

Other articles in this series:

Intro: Are Your Kids Ready to Face the Modern World?

Part 2: Teaching Your Kids To Take the Right Risks

Part 3: Helping Your Child to Think Creatively

About the author

C.J. Simister is the Director of the innovative ‘Cognitive Development Programme’ at Northwood College, UK, Jane’s driving passion is to help children of all ages become more independent, more critical and more creative in their thinking.

The author of two books, ‘How to teach thinking and learning skills: A practical programme for the whole school’ (SAGE: 2007) and ‘The Bright Stuff: Playful ways to nurture your child’s extraordinary mind’ (Pearson: 2009), Jane works with schools and parents in the UK and internationally, offering practical support and advice in raising children who are active, resourceful thinkers, equipped with the skills and intellectual qualities necessary to allow them to make the most of their potential and to face and flourish in an exciting, but increasingly competitive world.

This series of articles remains under copyright of C.J. Simister. Link: Future-Smart

About the book

Click here to read more or to order.

Praise for ‘The Bright Stuff’:

“A really excellent resource for parents looking for imaginative ways to illuminate young minds. I will be using it with my own children” - Dr Stephen Law, author and Editor of the journal of the Royal Institute of Philosophy

“If my parents had had this goldmine of a book, I’d be a brighter and happier person. Buy it, read it and sprinkle your child’s life with its wisdom” - Professor Guy Claxton, author and Co-Director of the Centre of Real-World Learning, University of Winchester

“This is a super book - no sweeping generalisations, easy assumptions or join-the-dot prescriptions, just damn good advice and ideas” - Dr Barry Hymer, author and educationalist

“This is a practical handbook for parents about encouraging their children to be original and daring - when it makes sense. Many of those I most admire have few formal qualifications, but do exhibit all the qualities that are the focus of C. J. Simister’s book. As a parent and a risk-taker, I applaud her work” - Luke Johnson, entrepreneur and Financial Times columnist, Chairman of Channel 4 & the RSA

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