by the Editor     There is much debate today about the over-protectiveness of parents, sheltering children from a very different world to the one many of us knew as children.  As a generation of parents raising young children, we are doing things for our kids well beyond the time at which they would be capable of doing things for themselves. 

Not only does this lack of 'letting go' create an undue amount of work and stress for parents, but it also can have a detrimental effect on our children's capacity to become capable adults. 

In a very extreme example of 'letting go' American journalist Lenore Skenazy responded to her child's wish to ride the New York subway on his own, at age 9, by letting him do just that.  She was subsequently dubbed 'America's Worst Mom'.  Since then, she has founded the Free Range Kids movement, with a blog, a book, and world-wide media appearances.  She wrote for YourKidsEd (Free-Range Learning for Raising Capable Kids).

Lenore offers parents a number of ‘Free Range Commandments’, one of which is ‘“Fail! It’s the New ‘Succeed!’”.  We don’t want our kids to ONLY fail, of course. But if they don’t fail sometimes, they won’t learn that they can get back up and go on with their lives.’

Most of us would recognise that ultimately, as parents, we need to work our way out of the job.  While we will always be parents, and our love and support for our children will always be there, our day-to-day involvement will one day come to an end.  We will be made redundant.

How we do this, and at what rate, will vary between families, and while Lenore’s example approaches one end of the spectrum, most families would probably be much more comfortable taking baby-steps in encouraging our children's independence.

Education expert, Fay Prideaux, offers the following tips:

1.  Make a list of things you would like your child to be able to do and put it in a visible place.  As they reach each commitment, cross it off the list.  Kids will take pride in their achievements.

2.  If you do everything for your child, they may develop a view that you do not believe they are capable of doing it themselves.  Instil confidence by giving them the opportunity to do things.

3.  Reward systems are not always a good way to motivate children.  Instead, use positive statements to acknowledge your child's achievements.  This will leave them in a better position to repeat desired behaviour patterns.

4.  Consistency is a key factor, when tryinging to foster good habits.  In this regard, sticking to rules and routines is very important.  Remember, you are the boss.

5.  Start early with age-appropriate expectations, even before kids begin school.  Putting away toys is a good way of giving a pre-schooler some responsibility.  As children get older, different chores can be added.

Recent research on Community Planning and Development by La Trobe University researcher, Julie Rudner, highlights that fewer children walk or cycle to school, play outside, or help with family errands.  ‘The fact is that  children in non-Anglo western-based countries successfully manage numerous responsibilities at younger ages, such as caring for siblings and other younger children and helping with household chores and shopping.’

Another expert, C.J. Simister, of Future-Smart, and the author of The Bright Stuff, believes that by cosseting our children, we make them more vulnerable. Kids need the confidence to take a considered risk when the moment is right.  This is absolutely essential if our children are to make the most of opportunity and discover truly what they’re capable of.

According to C.J. Simister, initiative and an independent approach to problem-solving is one of the hidden secrets of success to enable our kids to flourish in the modern world.  To read more about her ‘future-smart’ program, follow this link to the first of her series of articles, published in YourKidsEd. ‘Are Your Kids Ready to Face the Modern World?’

Independence and confidence has a major impact on learning.   It influences proper risk-taking, creativity, imagination, perseverance, and resourcefulness. Improving our children's confidence with responsibilities and expectations is an important step towards their development and future achievement. 

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