by Dr. Peter West Cyberbullying has schools and parents worried in many parts of the world. Last week there appeared on many Australian newspaper websites a troubling video clip.  A rather overweight boy is picked on by a smaller, stronger boy.  The younger boy keeps hitting the other boy until the victim lashes out, picking up his attacker and throwing him on the ground.

The incident ‘went viral’, appearing on a number of websites around the world, and what one site called “an instant hit on Facebook”.  It’s been seen in many countries on TV, including the USA. We should all hang our heads in shame that cyberbullying has become a sport in which people get cheap thrills watching other people’s misfortunes.

Kids will bully each other. Girls do it verbally- “you’re not our friend any more and you can’t come to my party”. Boys do it physically: hitting, punching, shoving. The difference today is that an incident is photographed on the ever-present mobiles and uploaded to the internet. Thus a worrying schoolyard incident can make a child a hero, a victim, or a bully AND it is seen by thousands- maybe millions- around the world. This is too much psychological damage for any child to bear.  One American girl suicided after being cyberbullied by her ex-girlfriend’s mother.

Schools simply don’t know what to do. They try to educate kids about the need to stop bullying. Schools in NSW have tried to ban mobile phones at school, only to have the NSW Dept of Education and Training say that can’t be done. Warnings to parents are ineffective. And punishments are hopeless: the boys in the incident mentioned have both been suspended.  Thus we punish bully and victim alike. When they return to school, the boys will have to live with the ramifications of what was done, in the school and in their community.

Social media are changing our society, like it or not.  An earthquake, a cyclone or a robbery occurs, and it’s on the net in minutes. Teenagers  are unable to stop themselves putting stupid comments on the internet and advertising their foolishness to the world.  Kids are humiliated and this is recorded and put on the web.

Not only is the child humiliated, spat on, pushed or ridiculed in some way.  The dreadful incident is recorded and shown to the whole school, his whole community, even people he’s never met.  This makes cyberbullying far, far worse than the ‘normal’ day to day incidents in the playground.

Our cult of violence makes all this worse. What happens in the movies if someone insults you? You punch him. If someone suggests you’re not masculine?  You punch him.  You’re a star footballer and someone says you’re not as good as some other player?  You guessed it.  And so bullying is part of a cycle of nastyness.

I  intervened in my children’s schooling when they showed clear signs of distress.  I went up to the school, kept calm and smiled.  But I did insist that the school take the issue seriously.  It was addressed.  The bullying stopped because a teacher who cared did something.  My kids still remember what I did.

If their child is bullied, parents could try the following.

• Listen carefully to the child and assess how serious it is. Don’t rush to make a judgment.  Remember that males often don’t talk easily.  The best place to talk might be in a car or over a milkshake.  In many cases of bullying which had serious consequences, the parents didn’t appreciate how desperate and alone the child felt.
• It may help to keep a careful log of what happened: time, date, and a clear factual record.  A pattern of bullying behaviour over weeks means it is time to take action.
• If necessary, take a clear copy of the log to the school.  Make an appointment and speak to somebody in charge of welfare.
• Go back a week later to make sure something was done.
• Talk to other parents about your concerns and try to work with them
• Take an active part in parents’ meetings. Voice your concerns assertively. Be positive, respectful and polite.
• Ask to see school policies on bullying, and policies on use of mobile phones. Ideally these should be locked away from the time school starts till the time it finishes.
• Make sure there are times when your kids can talk to you about what’s on their mind. They probably won’t tell you if you fire questions at them.  But they will talk given the right environment.

Links:

www.boyslearning.com.au - more on boys’ development and education

www.ncab.org.au - National Centre Against Bullying

YourKidsEd Cyber Safety and Bullying Resources

About the Author:

Dr. Peter West recently retired from the University of Western Sydney. His work on boys' education and men's health has received wide attention. Many of his writings can be found on his website Boys Learning. He now runs a consultancy, Educational Solutions, giving workshops on boys' education.  Link: BoysLearning.com.au

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